another one?!?

NO not baby...my dog had another seizure less than 8 hours after the one this morning. This is insane poor guy. So we now have to put him on seizure meds. I guess I just have to keep reminding myself that this is just a dog thank heavens it isnt one of the kids. Of course if you looked at how my husband is handling it you would think he just lost his wife and kids! Boy I wish he loved me half as much as the dog! lol!!!

and it continues

So I was having a rough morning yesterday that just kept going. I went to the dr for 10 and got an antibiotic for my face, then straight to the store to pick it up. Of course this meant that I was missing the playdate that I had scheduled but oh well gotta get my face fixed. Jack was terrible in the store, he whined and pitched one fit after another. It took them 25 minutes to fill my rx. SO I shopped around, I got to the register and went to pull my cat food bag out from the bottom of the cart and the glue at the bottom of the bag let go... whoosh cat food everywhere and of course there were only 2 registers open both with long lines so all the people had to back up and no one was laughing. Then I go home and feed lunches and my preteen comes home in a horrible mood carrying on about how oppressive we are, he has no life blah blah blah blah...
We leave home at 4:45 to go to the school function at the girls elementary school and Annie poops through everything and being as you cant bring a double stroller in there because there are too many people I was holding her so I was a mess too. Hey at least no one made any rude comments about our family!!! After the million mile walk back to the car we changed her and headed home to make supper in our 30 million degree home(it was 92 here yikes). I made supper and all the kids were fighting at the table, they were hot and tired. SO I sent all to bed early at 7. Dh put the ac in the girls windows because they live in the upstairs of our cape so it was really hot up there. Then we stayed up watching all the season finales we had missed and went to bed at 11ish(late for me) only to be woken up at 2 to Jynx, our chocolate lab seizing again. So now I sit here with very little sleep a bit afraid of what today might bring... God please help me survive today!

what the heck?!?!?

So here I am going about life the last few days with a big smile God is on my side things will be okay...and for what its worth, I still believe that but I am beginning to wonder if this is a test to find my breaking point. My vacuum broke, which with 8 people, 2 dogs, 3 cats and 3 guinea pigs, I NEED a vacuum. The fur balls in my corners look like full sized human heads and I assure you all of my dc still have their heads attached. Then this morning I wake up with the whole left side of my jaw ridiculously swollen, I cant even smile. Apparently my tooth is infected and causing a cellulitis( I think but wont know until I go to the dr this am). I have stuff planned almost nonstop for the next 3 days, I don't have time for this. Nor do I want to be facing people with my monster face EEEEERRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH I am not strong so if this has anything to do with the saying God never gives you more than he trusts you can handle...enough all ready I am weak stop trusting me so much!!

Its a good day!!!

So I was coming on here today to get back to blogging and to vent about life...but a series of events this morning has lead me to a different place.

Things have been tough lately We are not making enough money, my mortgage went up $559 without notice when we already were hardly able to pay it. Eric and I are having a really hard time making our marriage work, he is in a place where he wants to party and be 21, I'm ready to be 30 and a grown up. He is terrible to our children swearing, yelling and on their asses for every little thing they do(even normal kid things). So I shut down and stopped talking to him and now we are fighting constantly and most nights he sleeps on the couch. My family is driving me batty. My little sister had a baby 6 weeks after me and EVERYONE compares her baby and mine. Her baby is bigger, her baby sleeps through the night, she bathes her baby everyday, she lets her baby cry it out, she pumps and lets people feed her baby bottles. I do things my way and Annie is perfect just the way she is. My mom is VERY VERY opinionated and my sister believes she is the baby whisperer so they don't listen to me at all and worse they try to push my mom's outdated beliefs on me. It is not fun to be around and we have family dinners every Sunday so I cant even avoid them to take a break. Well on Mothers day I got a break because we had a tradition of going out to dinner just my mom and my sisters and I but I have no money so I am a loser now but that is a whole other story. Life is just tough lately. I was at my breaking point this morning...I even said to Eric last night, maybe I need to move out and get my own place(after weeks of hearing how bad I am at parenting and managing money from Eric and my mom). Then I go online to chat with my friends since I have NO rl friends and I read a post that one of them wrote...

"I've learned through the years nothing happens that surprises God.

I may be lost and confused at times, but He always knows what

coming and where He's taking us and why... so I've

learned to let it just roll right off my shoulders and walk

by faith. And it's an incredible path"

now, for what its worth I am and always have been a firm believer in God and I know that sometimes he sends us messages via different outlets. I interpreted that as a message and all of a sudden I felt this enormous peace fill me. It was like he was sitting in front of me telling me it was all going to be okay. Then as if I had doubt still, a friend offered to send me money. Now I should point out that this offer was without strings attached or questions asked from someone that has never met me in person. And now I sit here no longer frustrated and worn down, I have Friends, good ones and most importantly, I have God on my side and I will be alright!!!!

Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th again. But so far nothing major going on here! Life with 6 babies is finally settling in and Annie is finally getting to a point where she doesn't scream 10 out of 24 hours in a day. Now I have to worry about her not gaining. She went for her 2 month check up yesterday and only gained 4 oz in a month yeah only 4 that is nothing. I don't want to stop nursing her so I need to try to make sure she nurses longer and more often. The pedi is sure it is because of her reflux so I am trying to work on all the remedies for that too, changing my diet, keeping her upright it is all a lot with 5 other children at home!

So here is my funny today, my 2 year old brought me a little 2 inch baby doll and told me it was his new baby then preceded to "feed" it. Yup you got it, he nursed his doll hehehehehehehehe lol. I called my husband at work to tell him and he was less than amused! My older daughters tried to tell him that Daddys don't make milk only mamas do but there was no stopping him, he wanted to feed his baby!! How cute.
Well the princess has awoken and I should try to feed her again.

It's March

It is March already, this year just began and its March!!! Have you ever stopped to think about how fast time is flying and that someday you wont be here anymore? As we spent the last 3 days getting our house in order with some repairs and fix up work I started thinking really what purpose do we serve? Unless we signed the constitution, invented the light bulb or cure cancer, we will just be forgotten. Our children will remember us and our grandchildren and after that we will just be that someone in an old photo that no one remembers. Now don't get me wrong, I am not looking to be famous I just want to have meant something. So that got me thinking, maybe I cant be known for centuries for some significant contribution but I can be remembered for a contribution in some one's life. I have decided that we need to start giving back. I dont have a lot of money but we could start doing more for the world. We could volunteer and make donations to worthy charities. We already give our old clothes, toys and household items to the orphanage or the local women's shelter but I am going to spend some time tomorrow calling around to find out if there is somewhere that we can volunteer. I am thinking maybe a retirement community for now after all, the kids are kinda little but maybe as they get older we can start going to shelters and food banks. I just need to know that my life served a purpose even if it doesn't make me go down in the history books!!!

I am spoiled!

So my husband is working like a dog to be able to fix our house up and get it looking decent. I am TIRED of the mess and want him to hurry the heck up! He started painting the living room and hall on the 13th it is now the 26th so 13 days later and it isnt done. I have been working on it all week in between naps(and no not my naps...dont I wish I could nap) and Annie's screaming fits and its still not done, now I am cleaning so my dd can have her bday party tomorrow and he is napping ARGHHHHHH!!! I am annoyed and I should be grateful this stuff is at least getting wored on but nope I am spoiled and want it done NOW~~~Ooo baby crying bbl to finish

There she is my newest neice...Lilah Marie!!

Lilah is here!!!

Lilah is here!!!!
I don't know many of the details but she was born last night February 23 at 8:45 and weighed 8 lbs 8 oz. I haven't seen her yet so I have no pics and that is all I have for details but hopefully I will get to meet her very soon or at least maybe my mom will call and share all the details!

first smiles

Here are some of Annie's 1st smiles! This child screams day and night lately...but this makes it soooo worth it~

still no baby for my sister:(

So Monday she went to her ob who told her she was 3 cm(she wasn't dilated at all less than a week before when they checked her), 80% effaced, bag of water bulging and they stripped her membranes, this was at 9 am. Her Dr told her to expect her water to break that day, now here it is Wednesday and NOTHING!!! ERRRRRR mean doctor getting our hopes up for nothing. They did however set her induction for Monday the 23rd(her due date) so at least I wont have to wait too long to meet my new niece.

dinner with the family

So last night after years of begging my family to initiate a regular family dinner, we started our traditional Sunday dinners with my family. We are going to do it potluck style so the burden isn't on one person. It was a nice time. For a while I did family dinners for Eric's side of the family but I had to always do all the work and provide all the food, which I didn't mind, and still eventually it tapered off and half the family moved away now we see them about once a month unless there is a birthday or Christmas(the only holiday we celebrate together). I was doing a bi-weekly breakfast for my family and that tapered off because my children get up early and cant wait until 10 or 11 for breakfast so now we have no regular family time with either side. I have begged and tried to make it happen on both sides and this past year I gave up completely. No one else ever wanted to do the work to plan it and cook for it and clean up after it so why should I? So when my brain injured brother mentioned get togethers, I again asked if we could try to plan something and it happened. We will see how long it lasts but for now I will enjoy it. Maybe my kids can remain close with some of their family. I really want family, immediate and extended, to be an important thing to my babies and I am hoping this will kindle that. The bonus is that my family is all super helpful so when we have get togethers everyone pitches in ...that whole large family mentality kicks in and we all know that everyone helps and nobody sits until everyone sits. That is my silly thing to be excited about today!

OH and on another note my sister who is due to have her baby, Lilah, one week from today, lost her mucous plug yesterday and was feeling crampy all day. So I am anxious to hear if anything comes of it. She is not planning on letting me know until Lilah is born and she is up for company so I could be an aunt already and not know it. If she didn't end up in the hospital last night I overheard her tell my Mom she has a doctor's appointment this morning so maybe my Mom will leak the details to me! Hooray for new babies!!! This will be my 3rd Niece I am so excited!

Valentines Day

So Valentines Day has come and gone and this year I actually got a gift well in a sense...my hubby painted my living room and ordered me new furniture...hooray! My couch has been falling apart for about a year now and is not going to make it for much longer so I have been wanting leather sofas, 2 of them so everyone has somewhere to sit, and he bought them for me!! I am so excited!! Oh and Valentines Day is the 11 year anniversary of the day that Eric proposed to me so here is a picture of us from 5 years ago!! hehehe we look like we were 10!

Annie's 1 month physical

Well Annie has grown she is up to 9 lbs 4 oz up from her birth weight of 8.3 and her discharge weight of 7.14!! She has also grown an inch and a half and is up to 21.5" YEAH!!! I was a little worried to be honest, since she usually only nurses for 10-15 minutes at a time but I guess she just figured out early that mommy doesn't have much time so she better be efficient! LOL So there it is...my youngest baby is growing and since I cant find a way to freeze time and keep her little I guess I will have to celebrate her growth!!

I have survived 1 month as a mother of 6.

WOW I have made it through the first month of Annie's life and the amazing part is I have not had any major issues. It for the most part has been a smooth transition. I was watching Private Practice with Eric last night and saw that poor mom with post partum psychosis and felt so so lucky to have managed this time so well. I don't usually have ppd but this has been the most stressful post delivery month I think I have had, with our financial life falling apart, my marriage hanging by less than a thread, only 1 car and 6 children to raise... but I did it. I have managed to laugh about all the craziness and find the humor in it all. For me, a typical type A personality, that is a lot! I am grateful to have my children and have our health and that is what I am clinging to. Now in a month from now when all the bills are paid(with the tax return) and the car is fixed hopefully I don't get hit with post traumatic stress, that is typically my MO.

the honesty of a 5 year old

Yesterday while I was in the midst of making dinner and getting everyone ready to head out the door to a basketball game, Annie started to cry(as usual, that is her fussy time) so I walked over to her swing to pick her up turning my back on the kitchen cabinets. As I was bent down unbuckling her and talking to her I heard my silverware drawer open slowly and close slowly. I turned to see my 5 year old, Emma, walking out of the kitchen so I yell "freeze(pause for dramatic effect) what do you have?" From behind her back she pulls out a medicine dropper. So I ask what are you doing with that, she says we want to play doctor with the dog. This is a common occurrence around here, they play animal doctor all the time and often use measuring spoons or medicine droppers to pretend to care for the animals and I had already heard them talking about how they were planning to play animal doctor. I then ask her, well why did you sneak the medicine cup? She replies without a thought..."well because I didn't think you would notice" How is that for honesty? Ultimately I took the medicine cup away for her sneakiness but I had to hold my laughter until she left the room.

So are you done?

Yesterday Emma, my 5 year old, was invited to a birthday party for one of her classmates at a local bowling alley. We went and I stayed out of the way with Jack and Annie, I packed a lunch for Jack and I since Emma would be having pizza with the party. All the little yuppy moms ate piece after piece of pizza and not one of them could offer Jack a piece which normally wouldn't annoy me, like I said I packed a lunch for he and I as not to be intrusive, but not one of those moms had anything nice to say about me, the crazy woman with the 6 children. They all pointed and whispered or even came up to me to tell me wow you are crazy or now you are done right? I am trying to find the humor in the onslaught of questions about when I will stop having children. From total strangers to family and close friends. So are you done yet? Did one of you get fixed? Or even the lecture about how we should now focus on raising the ones we have(because they clearly are stuck in suspended animation until I am done having babies). What the heck. Is there something I am not seeing? Am I doing something wrong. I love my children, I make the effort to raise them to be loving, well mannered, grateful and respectful people. I get no assistance from anyone. I have not borrowed money from anyone for several years now. My children all get well rounded life experiences with extra curricular activities that I myself cart them around to. I feed them balanced meals and teach them about healthy choices. What would it matter if I had 20 children. Why oh why do people think they get the right to control my uterus. The worst part of it all is we are done, my husband has decided he wants NO MORE so I am having to learn to accept that and all these rude people make that hard. Ok that is my rant for the day, now I go back to being grateful :P

Being grateful

My goal from this moment on is to learn to be grateful for what I have and to try to stop wishing for what I dont/cant have. I have a home, a husband that loves me and does a fantastic job providing for us, I have a child that I was unable to raise that still loves me and gets to be part of my life and even calls me mommy still, I have wonderful friends, and I have 6 beautiful children that love me unconditionally and are great little people. So why oh why do I always want more? More children, more money, a cleaner house, more helpful family members, a romantic husband, newer stuff(like pots and pans and a couch that isnt broken). I spend so much time being envious of my friends that have wonderful loving romantic husbands that do night feedings and back rubs. Or people I know that have mothers or sisters that will help them with their kids. I love my life and I chose to have 6 children. And yes lately life has been a little stressful, Eric hours cut WAY back, Erics van broken with no hope of being fixed until the taxes come in leaving me stuck at home with no car most of the time, a brand new baby. But I am vowing to myself to slow down and remember that my children wont be children forever and I need to take the time to enjoy them and make sure they know how grateful I am for each and every one of them. So here goes nothing!!!

OH MY!!! I have 6 children living in my house!

Last night I took all the kids to Madeline and Dottie's basketball game all by myself because Eric was at the elementary school signing Emma up for kindergarten(I cant believe she is old enough for Kindergarten :( but I digress) All of a sudden as we were walking back to the car with Emma, Dottie and Maddie holding hands, Donald pushing the stroller with Jack in it and me carrying Annie...it dawned on me, this huge epiphany... I am responsible to raise these SIX children. Its strange how 5 didn't seem like so many but now six wow. Now that thought should probably be frightening but instead it made me giggle 6 kids how ever did I get so lucky? Why did God entrust these wonderful little people to me? I thought about it for most of the evening. All those faces, all those personalities, all those needs, all those different likes and dislikes I pray that I am up to the task and can be the mother that these babies deserve. Luckily I do not intimidate easily and I am certain I can do this, I just need to learn to stop expecting perfection from myself and just give it my best. SO this is my journey...

So here goes nothing

I decided to start this process with Annie's birth story. Not only was this my most amazing birth but each time a new child enters our family I feel as though it is a new beginning. On Sunday when I left for the hospital we were a happy family of 7 when I came home, it was the birth of a new family, a family of 8.

So here is my birth story:

I woke up Sunday morning at 3ish with a large amount of bloody show and having irregular cx. I called my mw to find out what to do and how to know if it becomes real. She told me to call her back when they were all regular and less than 10 minutes apart. At that point they were irregular 10, 4,15,7,20 minutes apart so I kept busy all day with the kids playing out in the snow storm(that ended up bringing us about 10"). By 1pm they had become regularly every 15 minutes and were getting stronger so i made a nice eggplant parmigiana to keep me distracted and told Eric to clean off my vanand start shoveling. At 3ish I sat with my Jack to read to him and noticed they were about 5-7 minutes apart and I was really needing to concentrate to breath through them. I walked around for a little while and cleaned taking breaks to lean and breath through contractions. A little after 4 my mom called me to ask how it was going and advised me to call the midwife because she was sure this was it. I called Barb the mw to tell her they were all about 5-6 minutes apart and she said"you sound too comfortable to really be in labor" she went on to explain that before women go into "real labor" it isn't uncommon to have runs of real cx that don't turn into anything but if they get closer or more intense call back. SO I hung up the phone, threw it to my DH and said I cant $%^$^% do this anymore this fake labor is not nice. Call my mom tell her it isn't happening I will be induced in the middle of the week and I am not talking to anyone until then. I was, well, pissed. I decided to take a bath so they would stop and then I was going to bed. I got in the tub and had Eric turn the light off and light a candle and just cried my eyes out. After a little while I realized that I had had at least 10 cx all really strong so I yelled out to Eric how long have I been in here expecting him to say an hour and he replied a little less than 20 minutes why? So I calmly got out of the tub not knowing what to think and dressed myself. I explained to Eric about the cx, he said call the mw I refused afterall this isn't real I am going to put the eggplant in the oven and finish my chores I would take a few steps and need to lean on a wall, bureau, counter or Eric because they were so close together needless to say I never got the eggplant in the oven. It was about 5:45 when Eric looked at me and said I am calling your mom to have your sister come over so I can take you to be checked,. I freaked no this isn't real it will stop, he grabbed me by my shoulders and said "would you please just listen to your instincts, you always have the best instincts of anyone I know why are you ignoring them?" So I agreed to go get checked but I would not bring any of the kids or my bags because I was sure they would send me home. The ride to the hospital was awful the roads were icy and bumpy. By the time we got to the hospital it was about 6:45 and the nurse came in and was trying to put me on the monitor and asked where my bags were so I explained I didn't want to have to drag then with us since they were going to send me home. She laughed at me and said you are clinging to your husband and contracting every 3 minutes sweetie you aren't going home without a baby. I still didn't believe her though. Then Barb came in checked me I was 6cm so she giggled and said wow that was good timing. We called my mom to come with Dottie (the only one who wanted to come since it was so late) and my bags. I walked the halls until about 9:45 then the mw suggested the tub but checked me first I was at 7. She asked how this usually works and I just shrugged my shoulders, I always have pitocin and every labor has been the same, labor for 2-3 hours get to 5cm and deliver 20 minutes later but since this wasn't pitocin I was clueless. Dottie sat beside me rubbing my back and telling me what a wonderful job I was doing the entire time. Then I went to the tub and told Dot to stay with my mom and take a rest since we didnt know how much longer it would be. I got in the tub and within 5 minutes I felt the urge to push so they took me out and brought me to my room, I only had a small rim of cervix left so they got the room ready and I breathed through the contractions which for some reason at that point seemed so much less intense. Then I needed to push my body wouldn't wait. Dottie sat up on my right side on the bed rubbing my hair and telling me I could do it. 2 pushes later Annie Mae came into my Eric's hands, Barb had let him do the entire delivery. My eyes were so tightly clamped I didn't realize the pressure I was feeling was her being born I was panicking thinking she was stuck and let out a yelp then I heard Dottie start to loudly sob and turned to see her in my moms arms sobbing hysterically so I started yelling I am so sorry I thought I had scared her. My mom said no look and I realized my baby was here and crying and Dottie's reaction was to the beauty of her sisters birth so i began to sob. She then turned to kiss the baby and me as they put her to my chest. Dottie cut the cord all by herself and fell into my arms. The nurse yelled to Dh to get the camera.

It was the most most amazing birth I have ever had. I cant help but cry as I tell it. The midwife was crying, the labor nurse was crying, my mom & Eric too. Then as they took Annie over to the isolette to clean and weigh her the labor nurse said I have been a l&d nurse for 20 years, I have not cried at a birth for probably 10 years because it has become such a regular event, but this was incredible thank-you for sharing this with me your daughter is so special. Later that night when the mw came in to check on me she explained that she has been sick and is going through menopause her mom who is not well is now living with her and she has been really down, my daughter's reaction was the best thing she has had happen in a long time. She was eternally grateful for this experience. The next day when Dottie came with all the kids to meet Annie, she was like a celebrity all the nurses wanted to meet her and talk to her. I was never so proud of one of my children. It was a wonderful experience I am fairly certain that this will be our last baby and I feel great about ending my childbearing years on such a beautiful memory. So that is my story I am sorry I made it so long!

why I am starting a blog!

I often read through other womens blogs and think how interesting it is to have a peephole into their world. Not to judge but to just see life through another set of eyes. So I decided to start one to have somewhere to go to document my life and the kids and give people a peek into my world.