Things have been tough lately We are not making enough money, my mortgage went up $559 without notice when we already were hardly able to pay it. Eric and I are having a really hard time making our marriage work, he is in a place where he wants to party and be 21, I'm ready to be 30 and a grown up. He is terrible to our children swearing, yelling and on their asses for every little thing they do(even normal kid things). So I shut down and stopped talking to him and now we are fighting constantly and most nights he sleeps on the couch. My family is driving me batty. My little sister had a baby 6 weeks after me and EVERYONE compares her baby and mine. Her baby is bigger, her baby sleeps through the night, she bathes her baby everyday, she lets her baby cry it out, she pumps and lets people feed her baby bottles. I do things my way and Annie is perfect just the way she is. My mom is VERY VERY opinionated and my sister believes she is the baby whisperer so they don't listen to me at all and worse they try to push my mom's outdated beliefs on me. It is not fun to be around and we have family dinners every Sunday so I cant even avoid them to take a break. Well on Mothers day I got a break because we had a tradition of going out to dinner just my mom and my sisters and I but I have no money so I am a loser now but that is a whole other story. Life is just tough lately. I was at my breaking point this morning...I even said to Eric last night, maybe I need to move out and get my own place(after weeks of hearing how bad I am at parenting and managing money from Eric and my mom). Then I go online to chat with my friends since I have NO rl friends and I read a post that one of them wrote...
"I've learned through the years nothing happens that surprises God.
I may be lost and confused at times, but He always knows what
coming and where He's taking us and why... so I've
learned to let it just roll right off my shoulders and walk
by faith. And it's an incredible path"
now, for what its worth I am and always have been a firm believer in God and I know that sometimes he sends us messages via different outlets. I interpreted that as a message and all of a sudden I felt this enormous peace fill me. It was like he was sitting in front of me telling me it was all going to be okay. Then as if I had doubt still, a friend offered to send me money. Now I should point out that this offer was without strings attached or questions asked from someone that has never met me in person. And now I sit here no longer frustrated and worn down, I have Friends, good ones and most importantly, I have God on my side and I will be alright!!!!
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